THOUGHTS OF A NUN

Sinning and Forgiveness

January 29, 2006

About 10 years ago I was talking to a close relative and something came up about his first wife whom he had divorced some 12 years earlier. His anger, hurt and hatred were obvious. Knowing how generous, considerate, giving and understanding he was most of the time, I indicated he needed to work on forgiving his first wife. His attitude towards her was not actually hurting her any longer, but definitely seemed to be hurting him. Letting go of his many hurts from her would free him. Carrying a grudge is much easier than looking within to find out why and what is prompting my anger and my hurt.

Jesus’ words this morning "Occasions for stumbling are bound to happen." Stumbling is one way of expressing sin. Missing the mark is another. When I was young, I learned, rightly or wrongly, that sin is an offense against God. A little later I learned hurting or harming another was an offense against God since God taught us to "Love one another". A few years ago a theologian used the term "Missing the mark," as a way of understanding sin. Missing the mark indicates to me that we are aiming at something. Our aim is for happiness. We miss the mark when we make choices that keep us from achieving happiness. Seeking security, esteem of others, control or power are some of the ways of missing the mark for true happiness.

There are things we know and things we don’t know. There are things we know we don’t recognize and things we don’t know, we don’t recognize as unknown. This last is the most dangerous, not knowing we don’t know. We’d like to think we know it all, at least what it means to live a Christian life. After all, some of us have been at this Christian living for a good long while.

Most people like rules. Rules make life a lot easier. One of the first things we want to know in a new situation is "What are the rules? What time I do I start? When is coffee break? When is the report due?" Churches like rules too: Who sits where, what comes when, who speaks, who doesn’t, what rituals are in place? Rules frequently turn into unquestioned, firmly entrenched laws. Obey the law and you will be safe. Break the law and you will suffer the consequences. It’s so easy to think we will be perfect if we obey all the rules, all the laws.

In Jesus time there was a lot of disagreement regarding all the laws among the Jewish teachers. Jesus took the laws and reinterpreted them into a code of love that all could embrace and follow, though it would not be easy. I have wondered what we would vote as the single, most difficult thing Jesus has asked or told us we must do to carry out this love. To "not judge or condemn" the other would receive many votes. "To pick up our cross and follow Christ" would surely receive quite a few. "To forgive others who have hurt us" would probably receive the most.

In this morning’s gospel when told to forgive seven times in one day, which they no doubt understood to mean without limit, the disciples say, "Increase our faith!!" How difficult it is to forgive. Daily meditative prayer is a definite aid to discovering what most often disturbs us and the particular event or memory that triggers our emotional upset. In daily life, if I notice a particular upsetting emotion recurring frequently, can I name it without analyzing or reflecting on it? Can I identify the event that triggered the emotion and thus go back to what desires in me are being frustrated? Then I can say to myself: I give up my desire to control…whatever; I give up my desire for approval and affection; I let go of my desire for security or whatever else I find I am looking for. When this happens I can then add a phrase that means something to me like, "Give praise to God for God is Good" or the Jesus prayer or "Love one another as I have loved you." In time this new phrase will come to mind as soon as the upsetting emotion comes up and there will be more freedom, more peace, more true happiness. Christ is in our midst!