THOUGHTS OF A NUN

SURPRISE!!!

Vocation Weekend
October 2006

Who would have thought that after years, in my younger days, of barely darkening the door of a church I would end up preaching - in a monastery, of all places?  God truly does amazing things with us when we allow God to happen, when we listen and respond. There I was, ten or 15 years ago – even just 6 or 7 years ago – periodically polishing my resume (the modern day equivalent of washing one’s nets, I suppose), and wondering why I was continually so disappointed with the various jobs I landed.  They weren’t bad jobs, by most standards.  They paid reasonably well, so I could buy things I wanted; they offered challenges, chances to learn in various ways; it was pretty easy to make what I did (market research and corporate consulting) sound interesting at cocktail parties.  But, increasingly, that just wasn’t enough for me.  They were jobs.  They were not a vocation.  God may have been calling, but I didn’t hear.  I was not listening – not to God, at any rate, not to the voice coming from the depth of my heart.

It’s hard to listen to God speaking to us from the depth of our souls when society clamors all around us at the surface, filling us with ideas of what it is we are supposed to want, and what we are supposed to do in order to get those things.  It reminds me of a movie that came out last summer, The Devil Wears Prada, in which a young woman – a girl, really – takes a job as assistant to the diabolical CEO of a fashion magazine, in the hopes of getting her foot in the door to begin a career in journalism.  She’s told again and again “a million girls would die for this job”; she quickly finds, though, what the cost is to her: she must put on a totally new persona.  We watch her as she becomes more and more successful, getting sucked further and further in to a world that is not hers…she is, in fact, “dying” for the job.  In the end, of course, she must make a choice much as Peter and his teammates make in the Gospel, to leave one or the other thing behind; and so also, by the way, must her boss.  So must we all, at one time or another.  On one level, our lives are nothing but a series of choices, of leavings behind. 

Forty years ago, twelve monks left behind a Franciscan community and came to this mountain to found a new “Skete”….they were followed a few years later by a half-dozen sisters on a similar mission.  Four years ago – almost to the day – I left behind job, household, and the entire life-support system I had spent 20-plus years building to come and join this Skete. None of these leavings-behind was undertaken without first venturing out into the deep water of the soul – searching the depths with Christ, as Peter and his fishing partners plumbed the depths of the lake, with Jesus beside them in the boat. 

We have with us here this weekend six seekers who have come to listen, to put down their nets into the deep water, and see what surprises they pull up.  Finding and pursuing a vocation, though, is not just about choosing religious life or work.  It is, in fact, important life work for all of us, regardless of where we are in life or where we may be called.  So it behooves all of us, from time to time, to invite Christ into our boats and put out into deep water.

When we go to the depths with Christ, we learn who we really are….often by learning who we are not, and leaving that behind.  It’s interesting that the choice Peter and his fishing partners make involves leaving behind exactly what they thought they had been hoping for, and working so hard for.  As they recognize Christ for who he is, they also learn something about who they really are.  And when they realize who they really are, the amazing catch becomes just a smelly heap of dead fish.  When we know who we really are, we are able to answer the call, as Isaiah did “here I am, Lord.  Send me”.  How reminiscent these words are of God’s own words of identification to Moses:  “I am who am”.  And of the traditional identifying inscription in Christ’s halo on our icons:  “Ho On”, “the one who is”.  Finding and pursuing a vocation is not about doing, it’s about being: who am I, God, who do you want me to be?   These are not questions to be answered once and for all.  They are to be asked continually.  We need to venture into the deep water with Christ regularly.  What we haul up may be a wonderful catch – or a frightening monster – but it will tell us something about ourselves….and we should be ready to be surprised.

CHRIST IS IN OUR MIDST!